Life Lessons from India - A Woman’s Memoir

 

by Hemalatha Gnanasekar

Review by Maria Teresa De Donato

 

Those interested in learning about Indian culture as experienced and seen by an ordinary middle-class young woman with a caring, loving attitude and a practical, down-to-earth approach to life will love this publication.

 

The book begins by describing a pujari (priest) performing abhishekam (bathing) to the goddess in the sanctum before three black pillars while the congregation chants prayers.

 

An innocent question posed by a child who wants to know "where the goddess is," given that the only things that appear to her eyes are the three black columns, brings to the Author's mind experiences and thoughts similar to those she had during her childhood, including the embarrassing moment when she had asked a similar question, despite admiring the great devotion and faith that people have in God. The Author, however, and by her admission, is more inclined to see "god" in good people, in those who are ready "to lend a hand in case of danger or difficulty" (p. 6) and who seem to be sent by God rather than seeing the latter in inanimate things.

 

From that moment on, one memory after another resurfaces in her mind: the man with bags "full of vegetables and provisions" (p. 6) who, on his way home, regularly stopped to pray to the Sun God; the religious processions that took place along the road where people carried statues of the gods and set off firecrackers or staged dramas to demonstrate men's physical abilities and/or strength; how it all left some spectators amazed and others completely horrified (pp. 7, 8); her adventure or misadventure, depending on how you perceive it, of the trip to a distant village organized by her father when she was still a child.

 

Once, her husband had rented a van with 12 seats and a driver to accompany his family and some relatives to an ear-piercing ceremony. When it arrived at the gate of their house, they noticed that the van was very old and many of its parts were rusty. During the journey, the truck produced so many noises that there was great uncertainty among the passengers about whether it would take them to their destination. Suddenly the van stopped in an area far from the town because... it had run out of diesel.

 

Among other things, although the van only had 12 seats, 20 people, squeezing in together, managed to get on board and keep the children sitting on their laps. However, the vehicle eventually took them to their destination thanks to a gentleman who, passing there by chance on a moped, had taken the van driver to the nearest gas station and brought him back to where the van was.

 

The summer holidays spent at the grandparents' house in the village; the unjust punishments received at school and, later in life, also in the workplace; all the sacrifices made by her parents to give her and her siblings the best possible education and lifestyle are all memories which, resurfacing in her mind, underline the richness in terms of experiences, she had first as a child, then as a teenager and young adult and the teachings and lessons she has learned, as well as the fact that the most precious things in our human existence that are worth living are very few.

 

Taking things as they come could help us adapt to new situations that arise in our lives and make the best of them; coming to terms with the passing of time and, consequently, with our aging and seeing it as a privilege rather than a curse, avoiding being excessively worried or even stressed or depressed because we no longer seem as young as we would like to, is equally fundamental to maintaining our sanity and our balance in life.

 

Accepting and appreciating even the most minor things we get in life with love and gratitude is vital. As the Author states: "Today we live in the cybernetic age... there is ruthless competition in all fields of activity. There is also a continuous race for success to win, to reach the top of the social ladder..." (p. 37). The result is that many of us can no longer find fulfillment and joy in life because we are always looking for the next goal to reach. "…our mind continues to wander from one goal to another throughout our existence…We never rest in peace and never experience the tranquility of mind and contentment." (page 38)

 

Wisely, the Author understood that giving is better than receiving and that making someone happy by simplifying their life by doing something useful could bring happiness to them and us.

"This book is the result of that desire." (page 97)

 

Life Lessons from India - Memoirs of a Woman is a book written with an honest and caring attitude towards everyone by someone who has suffered and learned the most important lessons and is ready to share her experiences without restrictions nor shame with her readers.

 

Hemalathas writing style is simple but captivating. Her messages are universal and reach the heart directly.

 

I recommend this book to everyone and even more so to those readers who might be fascinated by foreign cultures and biographies.

 

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The Guilt is Alive by Hemalatha Gnanasekar

Review by Maria Teresa De Donato

https://holistic-coaching-dedonato.blogspot.com/2023/04/the-guilt-is-alive-by- hemalatha.html

 

The Guilt is Alive - by Hemalatha Gnanasekar - Review by Maria Teresa De Donato

 

The Guilt is Alive

by Hemalatha Gnanasekar

Review by Maria Teresa De Donato

 

Should we or shouldn’t we interfere with our beloved ones’ lives? Should we or shouldn’t we get involved in their businesses out of love, our sense of duty and responsibility, and our desire to protect them and lighten their ways while assuming that we know better what is good and what is best for them?

 

With an open heart and the most honest attitude Hemalatha Gnanasekar, author of the memoir The Guilt is Alive, plunges us into the dynamics of family life and all that comes with them.

 

The most authentic and most profound love for all members of her family leads the author to get highly involved in their lives with the desire and firm conviction that by following her advice, they will get a great job, become rich and famous, and help the family financially, assuring all members and especially her parents after retirement, to have a dignified and comfortable life rather than fall into poverty.

 

Her brother Sampath Kumar, or Babu, as the family calls him, decides to do just that and abides by her loving advice. Enchanted by the dream of getting rich and helping the family, Babu leaves India and moves to Jamaica after receiving what appears to be an attractive job proposal to work in a company as an AC Engineer. This position – he believes – will allow him to make much money, which he will send to his family in India.  In so doing, he will achieve his father’s and his own goals.

 

Fate, God, or whoever is in charge of our Destiny has other plans, though.

 

Things won’t work as they should have. Among arguments at work due to Babu’s short temper, misunderstandings, and businesses not going well, Babu will fall into poverty and be unable to help himself, let alone his family, in India.

 

Although Babu’s story will end up in a drama, the message of this literary work is, nonetheless, a positive one. In fact, despite the emotional pain and sorrow that his sudden death will bring upon her entire family, the author will learn an important lesson through somebody else’s experience. Consequently, she will reach a turning point and start acting constructively despite her loss. She will change her perspective and consequent behavior and eventually will start enjoying life again.

 

She eventually will come to an understanding that “The human spirit is resilient and no one can destroy it except us” (H. Gnanasekar, 2015, 2022, p. 248) and that no matter if other people show empathy towards our sufferance or prove they have become “emotionally stone deaf, bogged down by problems of their own,” we are “the master(s) of [our] fate. [We are] the captain(s) of our soul.” (p. 249)

 

Hence, although there might be things we don’t understand about why certain situations occur in our lives, and the pain and guilt might still be there, Life is worth living, and eventually, we will come to terms with whatever manifests in ours.

 

The Guilt is Alive is a beautiful book that allows not only a complete immersion in the Indian and Jamaican cultures but also gives us plenty of opportunities to meditate on and challenge our belief system, behavior, and ‘good intentions,’ and last but not least, the very meaning of Life.

 

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Joys and Woes of Marriage in India

by Hemalatha Gnanasekar

Review by Maria Teresa De Donato

We have already encountered Hemalatha Gnanasekar's work through her publications Life Lessons from India - A Woman's Memoir and The Guilt Is Alive, which both allowed us to appreciate her nurturing, empathic, and caring nature and feel her deep and boundless Love for her family.
 

In Joys and Woes of Marriage in India, Hemalatha explores the cultural traditions and behaviors of young Indian married couples, highlighting the many issues they might face, especially during the first months of marriage.

 

The greatest challenge is moving into their in-laws' family, adjusting to their different ways of Life, and trying to get along with everybody. At times, however tricky and unpredictable these situations might be, they are the hardest and yet most educational life lessons one might get. They help young and married women refine their personalities, get out of their shells, and learn how to negotiate, compromise, and adapt. Should problems arise between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, fiancés or even husbands will hardly side with their girlfriends or wives. Respect for parents and a highly regarded sense of duty are expected and demanded in the Indian cultural and family establishment.

 

The success of the new couple's married life will strongly depend on personality, adaptability, and ability to cope with unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations and requests expected by her in-laws.

 

The "marriage arrangement" organized and taken care of by a family member – usually a man, be it the father, an uncle, or the eldest son – is still rooted in Indian culture. Once consulted, the temple priest will recommend "the auspicious time for the marriage" after carefully examining the horoscopes of the spouses-to-be.

 

The result of these "alliances" between families can be very successful if the bride and the groom like each other, fall in love, and get along, or a total disaster if they do not. In the latter case, they will feel trapped in a marriage with no way out.

 

Regardless of Life's ups and downs and our ability or lack of ability to negotiate and adapt to the new, all issues—or most of them—can be quickly resolved when true Love, empathy, and patience lead our lives.

 

Hence, despite some evident differences among cultures, Hemalatha's message to the readers seems to be, "Sometimes all young ladies—and not just them—need to do to solve differences, misunderstandings, and difficult situations is to kindly talk to their husbands with an open heart while expressing their true feelings and worries about challenging situations they are being confronted with. Respect, kindness, and setting a good example can be instrumental to gaining their trust and unconditional Love and that of their in-laws.

 

Once again, through her gentle, kind approach and appealing writing style, the Author highlights the importance of love in our lives and the fact that true love can perform miracles if we only give it a chance. Thus, she reminds us that Love can happen at all ages and in the most sudden and unpredictable settings and ways.

Joys and Woes of Marriage in India is a beautiful publication I recommend to people of all ages, especially those interested in Indian culture and traditions.

 

Maria Teresa De Donato, Ph.D.

Author, Freelance Journalist, Blogger, Naturopath

https://holistic-coaching-dedonato.blogspot.com

https://www.dedoholistic.com%20Amazon%20Author

Profile: https://www.amazon.com/Maria-Teresa-De-Donato-PhD/e/B019G68L8Q